Jaylene officially turned 14 months yesterday. That’s exactly 1 whole year and 2 months worth of life experiences for her! She’s definitely already a master at life. She knows how to have a good time in any given situation. She brings love, joy, and happiness to all those around her and to those who come in contact with her. She always stays positive and doesn’t sweat the small stuff. In fact, she seems to get over not having things go her way rather quickly. She might get really mad once in a while because I have to pull her out of the bath tub before she’s ever ready to get out. But that’s about the extent of her buttons that we push. She’s just easily distracted and is always ready to be on to the next new thing. She appreciates the little details in life and has a great eye for picking up the tiny bits of trash we sometimes leave behind. Her infectious sense of humor can bring laughter and a smile to anyone who’s cranky, and having a not-so-great-day. She’s the life of the party, and the love of our lives.
We are constantly impressed by her ability to speak two completely different languages. English is our language of choice to communicate with her. However, she sometimes reciprocates back to us in her native tongue – baby gibberish. Her grandparents are responsible for teaching her Vietnamese and Filipino, so it might be that and us not understanding. It’s a tough juggle, but it’s fun to learn as we go along. It amazes us every day to see how she has grown on her own. She’s always eager to show us what new things she’s learned. No matter how easy or hard the task, we are always so proud of her, and clap in excitement every single time – even when she repeats it over and over and over again for the sheer pleasure of seeing the look on our faces and the satisfaction of knowing she got our approval. One of her favorite things to do right now is showing off her tummy when we ask her where it is.. Haha. It’s always fun to see her learning right in front of our eyes. It’s gratifying when I teach her something new, and she goes back the next day and shows off to me what she supposedly taught to herself!
What’s beautiful about parenthood is not always about how much you can teach your children, but how much you can learn from them. Jaylene has taught us how to love unconditionally. She tested our patience and our ability to work together as partners. For me personally, she has helped me become more compassionate, understanding, and more responsible with my actions. She has provided for me an outlook to pass less judgment on other people, and especially on other parents.
As parents, we are constantly being pulled left and right on how we should raise our child and how to be a good parent. Every parent is different from another. And to be honest, it’s extremely frustrating to get parenting advices from people who don’t even have kids! If you are one of “those”, think before you speak. You might not really know what you’re talking about. My child is happy, healthy, and smart, so I know we are doing something right. Jaylene is always laughing and smiling, healthy as can be (besides the colds), and extremely bright and intuitive. I have no doubt in my mind that we make awesome parents. As long as she grows up to be a good person with a great heart that values honestly, trust, and respect, I will be extremely proud of us for raising her up right.
I can’t imagine our lives without her. Let alone being apart from her for only a few days or even hours. It already tugs at my heart when I walk out the door for work and leave her with her sitters. This was the very first time I was not entirely home with her to celebrate the milestone of another month. It’s sad that it probably won’t ever be the same again like before, but I’m excited for her and I. She’s actually doing really well without me while I’m at work. She’s doing a lot better than I expected. This morning as I hesitated to go out the door, I wanted one last hug and kiss from her. Instead of holding onto my leg and crying for dear life, she kissed me and pushed my face away because I was blocking her view of Elmo on the television screen! Gezze! Looks like this daddy AND mommy going to work thing was a lot harder on me than it was for her.
Being a working parent and dealing with other everyday responsibilities has really kept me busy these days. I’m enjoying being a busy bee, but I do miss the (very little) “leisure” time that I had as a stay at home mom. Mommy napped when baby napped, so I really actually miss my afternoon naps with Jaylene. The best part was when we woke up and looked at each other with the “so, what do you want to do next” look. I’m glad that I got over a year of that with her. It wasn’t all fun and games though, let’s be honest. “Being a parent is the hardest job in the world” - I actually think that’s an understatement. You can have a job that’s out of this world as an astronaut, but it still wouldn’t compare to the lifetime hardship of being a parent. It’s even harder when you’re doing it around the clock as a stay at home mom, since you don’t get “exposure” to the outside world as much. I wanted to go to work, go on lunch dates with friends whenever I wanted, and have the stamina and energy for late night-life fun. But parents do what we have to do for our children. All the while when people were going about their daily business, I was at home enjoying the company of my baby. And it was worth it. There were indeed days when I wanted to pull all my hair out from extreme exhaustion and because I was running on only a few hours (and sometimes minutes) of sleep on and off.
Today, I’m not as tired because Jaylene sleeps though the night. It’s just harder to fall asleep at night as a parent. Period. I think it’s hidden in the contract and we didn’t even recognize the reality of it until it hit us. This is forever. There is a lifetime commitment to constant worrying about your kid’s needs, happiness, health, and whereabouts:
“Since I’m always so paranoid, I wonder if she has more fun without me being at home? Do we need to get her more toys? Is she bored of her old ones? We need to start weaning her off the bottle. When should we do this? What’s the best method for us? Oh, we need to stock up on more diapers. I noticed we are 2 value boxes away from running on my mommy standards of “low” (1 value box of diapers = 250 diapers). I need to set up an appointment for her check up next month. I forgot to pull her other batch of clothes out of the washer and dry them. We should definitely visit her grandparents this weekend since we have plans for next weekend”. These now are mostly my last thoughts as I drift off to sleep. Everything we do now revolves around Jaylene and her life.
We honestly admitted to each other that we both discovered a love that goes beyond our own love for each other. We both agreed that Jaylene would always come first. It truly was love at first sight, and we found our true love 14 months ago. Love is not possible without compromises and sacrifices. I spoke to Jason the other day about the sacrifices we would make for Jaylene to always feel loved and how we can only try our best to help protect her and keep her safe from any harm or danger. I told him I would walk the world if it prevented Jaylene from ever getting a simple paper cut. That’s how badly I wish I could protect her from any pain she would feel within her lifetime. But the toughest part about being a parent that I’ve discovered, is knowing when to let go, because you know it’s best for them.
It was Jaylene who taught us how to appreciate our own parents and their love for us. Looking back, I can’t imagine going through with Jaylene what my siblings and I put our parents through! We all turned out to be good kids, and especially good people. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t make it easy for our parents along the way. There were many nights of coming home and finding them waiting up for us after sneaking out of the house. There were lots of back talking, hurt feelings, disappointments, and countless thoughts of “I hate them” that ran through our minds. I take back anything mean I ever said to my parents. Especially to my dad, since he’s gone now. He wasn’t the best father in the world, but he did love us, and always wanted what was best for us.
It’s probably going to happen one day and I really don’t look forward to it, but all I could do is pray and hope that we do our best to prevent it. That one day when Jaylene yells in our faces “I hate you guys!” out of anger. But for now, I doubt she’s going to say it in her 14 months of life. So that’s one less worry on my mind at night - for now.
